


press restart

by sinceraly



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, DotNW didn't happen, Lloyd is a sculptor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Zelos gay panics, this happens 10 years after tos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-05-15 10:58:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19294348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinceraly/pseuds/sinceraly
Summary: 10 years of complete isolation after the events of Tales of Symphonia, Zelos Wilder finds Lloyd Irving making his way back into his life. And all things considered, Zelos doesn't know if he's complaining.





	1. it's a beginning

It was inevitable that he’d end up at one of these awful gatherings again, really. Zelos should have better prepared himself for the unwelcomed familiarity of it all.

Zelos observes the gathering hall with a glass of champagne held loosely in his grip, rim pressed to his lips as sharp eyes wander over the guests, recalling names, families, businesses, and connections. His left hand rests on his right forearm as he half-heartedly pays attention to the lady attempting to win over his affections for the night, fan obscuring half her face in what he’s sure she thinks is a coy move on her part. He’s so over this.

The problem with spending five years on the road with his sister, just catching up and learning how to be Zelos Wilder, not the Chosen of Mana, is that coming back to  _ this  _ life of obligation and fighting for dominance in society, for power and wealth and - god forbid -  _ happiness,  _ is made so much more difficult. Zelos used to be able to stuff himself into suits and drink champagne and flirt and play the seduction game with the best of them. Now, even though he’s still damn good at doing so, his masks are rusty, and his numbness is lessened by the fact that he’s found some sort of life of his own, and he’d like to fucking live it for once. Putting on this act just doesn’t do it for him anymore.

But alas and alack, Zelos Wilder was brought to this world with a rotten streak of luck and an awful family lineage. At least his sister is cool.

His sister, who forced him to be here in the first place. Zelos pouts, taking another sip of his champagne. Maybe not so cool. To be completely honest, Zelos isn’t sure  _ why  _ she was so up-in-arms about him showing up anyways - this is way more up her alley than his, given that it seems to be some announcement party for some new artistic tribute or some bullshit. Seles has always been into the art scene of Meltokio, and Zelos has always been happy to let her handle the family representation on that aspect, so  _ why is he here. _

In fact, why did she even make him say she was sick? If she didn’t want to show up, she didn’t have to - neither of them did. This is pointless. If the lady next to him doesn’t stop talking, he’s gonna jump out the nearest window -

Whatever. At least the place looks nice and the champagne is top notch. The ruby red velvet curtains against the golden walls? Nice touch, honestly, given how the moonlight streams in through the large glass windows. The floor looks so clean you can eat off of it, and the tables are lined with deliciously expensive looking food. It really is quite the royal engagement, even if Zelos can feel his lifeforce drain with every second he’s left in here.

Okay, maybe he’s laying it on a little thick.

It’s not a total loss, Zelos thinks, shooting the lady next to him a smirk and a wink before bowing out and walking towards the giant chocolate fountain in the right corner of the room. Best case scenario, he finds a convenient excuse to leave alone and early, whines to Seles about how he’s the best older brother because look at the  _ suffering  _ he’s done tonight, and then goes to bed. Worst case scenario - if it could even be called that, truthfully - he uses his time here to find some hot heir or heiress and gets to end the night with mind-numbing, noncommittal sex. It’s that easy.

Might as well get to it, he thinks, scanning the faces of the people in the hall. There’s Duke Eicher, with all of his cold-blooded excellence. Word on the street is that he killed his father and made it look like an accident, but with the way the royalty in this room swarm over him, you’d think he was the latest pop craze. In any case, he’s about five years too old and three degrees too far off the deep end.

Lady May could be a good contender, but she’s had an awful crush on Sir Hutchinson since they were in diapers. Zelos thinks that saving yourself for a married man is quite the terrible way to live your life, but hey, whatever works for her. Not like he can’t see why she would be attracted to Sir Hutchinson anyways - dude’s quite the looker.

Zelos narrows his eyes, placing his champagne glass on a passing waiter’s empty platter, and leans back against a stone column. To be honest, Zelos was hoping for a little more of a show, for some good looker to come out and surprise him, be worth the chase at all, but all he’s seeing is a lot of people too caught up in looking special to actually  _ be  _ special. It’s quite boring, but. Well, beggars can’t be choosers, he supposes, shoving his hands into his pockets. It might be time to fake food poisoning -

\- Oh? Who’s  _ that? _

The man’s back is turned to him, deep in conversation with Princess Hilda, who’s actually  _ smiling  _ and talking back as though she’s talking to a long-time friend and not some member of the aristocracy that lives to be eye-level with her. Zelos’ eyes wander from her face back to the man’s figure, broad shoulders decorated with dark burgundy fabric perfectly tailored to fit them. His hair seems messy from the back in that sort of careful way, just enough to come off as effortless without being seen as just lazy. Slowly, Zelos makes his way across the hall, shooting off smiles and greetings and laughs as he does, keeping an eye on the man, attempting to see him from the front. He kinda feels like a cat stalking its prey, but his interest is peaked.

At some point, as Zelos is walking past the orchestra and attempting to shake off the attention of some random fan of his, Princess Hilda is called away for another conversation, and the man waves at her, turning on his heel as soon as she’s out of sight. In that moment, Zelos and the man make eye contact, and Zelos has to clench his jaw tight to keep it from dropping.

Lloyd Irving stares at him from across the hall.

If Zelos has ever felt immediate regret over his thoughts, he is certainly feeling it now.

Panic floods through Zelos’ system as he hastily breaks eye contact, hoping to any deity out there that Lloyd  _ didn’t  _ recognize him. It’s been ten years, after all, who’s to say he remembers Zelos -

A glance up and - yeah, no, if that bright, excited grin is anything to go by, Lloyd certainly remembers him. Zelos’ heart flutters in his chest at the sight of such pure delight directed straight at him, sincere and joyful and so  _ Lloyd  _ it feels like rose-tinted nostalgia. It’s been ages since he’s seen one of Lloyd’s contagious smiles in person, and he can’t stop the way his own lips quirk upwards. God, it should be illegal to be sexy and adorable at the same time, but apparently Lloyd was able to become both. Is this a perk of dual-wielding swords? You just become ambidextrously attractive?

Alright. Okay. This is fine, this is fine. Zelos misses his champagne all of a sudden, but this is fine. There’s no guarantee Lloyd’s gonna come looking for him, and Zelos has no intention on initiating any conversation, (not with Lloyd looking like  _ that _ and Zelos’ heart spiraling into some awful hopscotch beat), so it’s fine. He’ll fake that food poisoning now and just take his leave while Lloyd’s distracted.

Except. Aw, fuck. Lloyd’s making his way over, what the hell!

Watching as Lloyd makes his way down the hall, Zelos debates the pros and cons of hauling ass out of here like a coward and leaving Lloyd to eat the dust - for one, he won’t have to talk to the guy he’s kinda sorta avoided thinking about for the last ten years, the same one that he crushed hard on even back then. But… Truthfully, Zelos feels  _ excited  _ about this, his heart pumping with a sort of adrenaline he hasn’t felt in a while. It’s thrilling, seeing Lloyd again, even though his vulnerabilities pound at his head mercilessly.

Zelos chuckles nervously for a second, running a gloved hand through his bangs with an anxious exhale, before deciding to put on his best mask of composure and facing Lloyd with an ounce of normal friendliness. Never mind that Lloyd had just been a possible contender for someone to fuck just a few minutes ago, or that he looks downright  _ delicious  _ in that tux, which - who picked it out for him, because Zelos needs to greet that person with a cash reward and enough thank-you’s to give them a praise kink.

It takes Lloyd a little bit to get to him - he would only get a few feet forward before somebody would stop him for a conversation. And Lloyd, with all of his country boy kindness, would stick his hands out and smile bashfully with a shake of his head before continuing on. It warms at Zelos’ fear, the way that Lloyd is actively seeking out his attention, the way he’s rejecting others’ just to try and get to Zelos any faster. It makes Zelos feel  _ wanted,  _ and for a second, he’s able to pretend he is.

And then Lloyd is standing in front of him, and Zelos can’t stop the way he looks him up and down. Their slight height difference is gone, with Lloyd standing at the same height as Zelos, and this close Zelos can see the stubble that lines Lloyd’s jaw, the light scars that discolor his face. His deep red eyes still have their youthful cheer, but his face is generally sharper than what Zelos remembers, reflecting the fact that Lloyd is twenty-seven years old. It’s a shock to Zelos, honestly, and now that he can see him properly from the front, Zelos takes a second to  _ really  _ appreciate this tux choice. The color works well against his tanned skin, and the white shirt and burgundy vest combo, with a bow-tie? Zelos is swooning.

“Zelos,” Lloyd says, smile widening as he looks at the ex-Chosen, seeming as excited as Zelos always remembers him being. He pulls Zelos into a quick hug, knocking the wind out of his lungs, and then pulls back, leaving his hands on Zelos’ shoulders. “Look at you, man! It’s been so long!”

“Y-Yeah,” Zelos chokes, clearing his throat and fixing his posture, attempting to try and get his charisma back in working order. That hug felt  _ really  _ nice and he hates it. “Look at  _ me?”  _ He asks, laughing loudly and with a slight tinge of panic, “look at  _ you!  _ All dressed up and fancy. What are you doing here?”

Lloyd blushes a little, which is  _ adorable,  _ goddamnit, and drops his hands, instead rubbing at the back of his neck with his right hand. “I’m here for business, actually. Handling a commission for the Meltokio Central Square.”

Zelos raises an eyebrow, legitimately impressed. “That’s a tall order, Lloyd. Congrats! What is it?”

“Ah, can’t tell you.” Lloyd says, smiling bashfully, “signed a contract and everything. Plus, it’s a surprise! It’s cool though, I think you’ll like it.”

“Does this commission have to do with,” Zelos raises a hand, gestures to the entirety of the hall with an expectant look, “all of this?”

Lloyd nods, chuckling. “They wanted to throw a party to celebrate the start of construction for the commission. I told Princess Hilda that this wasn’t really needed, but she forced my hands until I said yes. It’s not really my scene, but - hey, I’m not gonna say no to the princess of Tethe’alla.”

“You got friends in high places, Irving,” Zelos says, crossing his arms over his chest with a playful grin. “Don’t let that influence get to your head, now.”

“Never!” Lloyd replies, sticking his tongue out in fake disgust. “I’ll take my simple backwater life over this any day.”

Zelos opens his mouth to respond, something sassy and probably minorly offensive about to slip off his tongue, but then Lloyd continues.

“Hey, at least we get to see each other again, right? It’s been ages, I wanna catch up!”

Goddamnit, Lloyd Irving, try at least a little harder to quit stopping Zelos’ heart. Internally rebooting, Zelos blinks, mind searching desperately for a reply to that that isn’t hopelessly gay or incredibly telling at just  _ what  _ Zelos thinks of Lloyd right now, at this exact moment, as he looks at him with those transparently hopeful eyes. Zelos wants to let out a whine so bad - he thought he’d been over this crush for so long, are you really telling him that just talking to a dressed up Lloyd is all it takes to drag him back into this pit?

“S-sure,” Zelos bites out, willing back the light blush that so badly wants to coat his face. “How long will you be in Meltokio for?”

“Six months!”

Martel, strike Zelos down where he stands. “That’s plenty of time for catching up,” he says, keeping his face neutral as he can, “I can show you around the hot spots -”

“Hey, actually, I have an idea!” Lloyd interrupts, face alight with a mischievous beam. Lowering his voice, he leans in just close enough where Zelos has to remember to breathe, “let’s leave. They won’t notice we’re gone, and I found a cool pub not that far from here a few nights ago.”

Lloyd stands straight again, placing his hands in his coat pockets. “I’d kinda like to eat something more than dumb finger foods, honestly. We can talk there. You in?”

Say no, Zelos, it’s that easy. Say you can’t, or that you gotta get home and check in on Seles, or that you’re food poisoned and need to see your family doctor or  _ anything.  _ Just don’t say yes, don’t agree to go to the pub with your old friend, your old crush, who’s  _ incredibly  _ cute and friendly, who makes you feel like you’re worth more than the dirt on the bottom of your fancy shoes just because he’s that kind. Just say no. It’s that easy.

Of course, Zelos says yes.


	2. the doghouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to a pub.

It turns out, as Zelos soon realizes, that Lloyd Irving has not, does not, and probably will never care about what strangers and the high noble classes of society think about him. He leads Zelos through the event hall with a hand on Zelos' arm, a grin present and glowing on his face. It's infectious, the way he beams like this is the best thing to happen all night, and though Zelos follows after him with a shake of his head and a _tsk, tsk,_ the smile on his own face cannot be contained.

"You're gonna make people talk, Lloyd," Zelos half-jokes, unfortunately too aware of the way people stare and turn to whisper. He smirks, feeling the familiar mask of innuendo lay itself down on his face, "dragging the ex-Chosen out of a party like this with no concern towards propriety? Scandalous."

He can see Lloyd roll his eyes from slightly behind, but the grin stays firm on face. "These people can bite me -"

"- I'm sure some of these ladies would like to -"

"There's no point in throwing a party that isn't fun," Lloyd continues, blushing almost imperceptibly. Zelos counts that as a win, a cackle escaping his mouth before he can stop himself. "If we're not enjoying ourselves, we might as well leave, shouldn't we?"

It's like a breath of fresh air, the way Lloyd does not give a fuck about masks and appearances and _reputation_ , the way that he shoves it all aside for honesty and sincerity and just the goal of enjoying life and the simple things that go with it. In this world of manipulation and propriety and fighting for dominance, Lloyd just cuts a path straight down the middle of all the suffering and walks past all of the bullshit until he gets what he wants. It's admirable. It causes warmth to rush through Zelos' system, fond and endeared. 

"Can't fault that logic," Zelos finally responds, taking a few moments to glance at Lloyd. "So what do you have in mind for plans tonight, then?"

"You're gonna love this place," Lloyd responds as they both exit the castle, nodding in thanks to the knight that holds the door open for them. The mid-Spring night carries with it the standard Tethe'alla humidity, but it's cooler with the moon present rather than the sun, so Zelos takes a breath and enjoys the freedom. "It's a small pub, one I found when I first got here for negotiations or whatever, and I've been hitting it up since. The food's great and the beer isn't too expensive."

"Don't worry about expense around me, bud," Zelos winks, "if you've already forgotten, I'm pretty rich."

"How could I forget with the way girls threw their money at you," Lloyd deadpans, though the way mirth clouds his eyes betrays his amusement. Zelos laughs, Lloyd following along with a few chuckles of his own, and it almost feels like old times.

 

* * *

 

"Here's the place!"

Lloyd stops in front of a standard looking hole in the wall, not nearly intimidating but far from the kind of rich business that's common in Upper Meltokio. The alleyway it's in is empty but clean, and Lloyd looks at the place with such a warm, adoring grin you'd think this was his second home. Red brick takes up the exterior of the building, vines and mosses curling their way up the wall, and two porthole windows border the door, illuminating them in the light pouring out from within. A small chalkboard menu on the outside displays the specials of the day and it's prices. On the right corner of the menu is a little doodle of a dog.

"' _The Doghouse_ .' Looks quaint," Zelos says, eyeing the place with raised eyebrows. It seems, just from the outside, cozy and natural, the kinda place Lloyd Irving _would_ gravitate to, and Zelos can't help but let out a breath of a laugh. Lloyd just smiles conspiratorially and steps forward, opening the door and holding it open for Zelos.

"What a gentleman!"

"Shut up, Zelos."

With another cackle, Zelos strolls forward into the pub, and takes it in. _Yes_ , he thinks, properly observing the hole in the wall. _This is a Lloyd Irving spot._ Funnily enough, though, he can't exactly find it within him to begrudge Lloyd on his taste.

Edison lightbulbs hang from the ceiling, thick black cords hung from the exposed rafters holding them and the orange painted jars surrounding them up. The furniture, obviously handmade and hand-stained, is made of several different types of wood, giving to a haphazard yet adorably comfortably rustic look that reflects Dirk's house as Zelos remembers it. The pub itself isn't very cool, leaning towards the warmer side of things, but it feels akin to standing in front of a bonfire on a summer night, or a fireplace during the winter. It's home-y, cute, and Zelos finds he quite enjoys this atmosphere of calm humility. 

The majority of the seating is in the form of booths and tables, but the liveliness in the establishment is centered around the bar, where several people talk and push each other in some discussion of whatever gossip or politics affects the lower sectors of Meltokio proper. Lloyd places an arm around Zelos' shoulder and Zelos freezes, tensing for a good few moments at the sudden and familiar contact before allowing himself to relax just the slightest amount, strengthening the smirk that faltered only a moment before. 

"Queenie!" Lloyd only half-yells by Zelos' ear, earning a glare from the ex-Chosen. "Hey, we're taking a booth!"

The lady working the bar, a brunette with baby blue eyes, finishes pouring a shot and tosses it down the bar where it's orderer sits. She looks back at Lloyd and raises a brow, gives Zelos a quick up and down, and though the fact that he should have some suggestive comment at the ready does not escape him, Zelos can't help but stay silent in the knowledge that she _will_ recognize him, and this cute night he's been having with Lloyd will end so soon, and he'll never have a chance to -

"Lloyd Irving," she says instead, pointing her attention back to Lloyd, to Zelos' relief. "The hell you doing back in my pub?"

"Queenie, c'mon now!" Lloyd laughs, cocking his head and giving her a crooked smile, "I already said sorry!"

"You're on thin ice, Irving," she says, grabbing a beer by the snout of the bottle and holding it upside down. Zelos doesn't miss the way Lloyd gulps at the unspoken threat, and instead laughs at his expense. 

"Miss Queenie," Zelos says, with a playful grin plain on his face. "I apologize for whatever this idiot next to me has done. Would we still be allowed to dine here?"

"See that, Irving? That's how you handle things," Queenie responds with eyes just as playful. "Sure thing, sweetheart. Go sit y'all's asses down, I'll have one of my waiters over in a second."

"Thanks Queenie! You're the best!" Lloyd exclaims as he drags Zelos over to a booth towards the back of the pub, chuckling as they sit down and grab two menus placed at the end of the table. 

"Don't worry, she loves me," Lloyd says after a beat, putting down the menu with only a few moments needed to figure out what he was gonna order. 

Zelos looks up from behind his menu, shooting Lloyd a disbelieving glance. "Mhm. Why'd she threaten you then?"

"It wasn't my fault!"

Another disbelieving glance.

"Alright, it was like, twenty-five percent my fault."

"Really now."

"Thirty percent and that's as high as I'm going."

"What did you do?"

"I got into a bar fight and broke one of her tables."

" _Lloyd._ "

"Listen! Some asshole at the bar had opened his fat mouth and was talking shit about half-elves! And, yeah, I get that prejudices like that don't just _go away_ overnight, but it's been ten years easy since the Desians, and really, people like that should just shut the hell up if they have anything to say at all."

"So you fought this guy?"

"Not at first. I just started arguing with him, and I told him he was wrong and his views were shitty and he got pissed."

"Is that _really_ all you said?"

Lloyd picks up his menu and hides behind it a little, so Zelos chuckles, exasperated, and raises a hand to lower the top of the menu, forcing Lloyd to look at him. "What else did you _say,_ Irving."

"I… may have called him an ignorant prick of an asshole who couldn't figure out the difference between a bath and a compost bin?"

Zelos wheezes a little. "Holy _shit,_ Lloyd."

"Okay, maybe I was a little rude too, but I didn't start it! He was the one who threw the first punch, and I didn't realize the table was _right behind me_ when I threw him into it! Besides, I paid Queenie back for it!"

Zelos continues laughing, and though Lloyd doesn't look a dime ashamed of what he's done, the shy way he laughs and rubs at his neck is adorable, so fucking adorable it makes Zelos heart race. 

Their talk is interrupted by the appearance of a waiter, and the both of them order their drinks and appropriate pub food - Lloyd gets mozzarella sticks, which Zelos teases him endlessly about, while Zelos sticks with fish and chips - but as soon as the waiter leaves, Zelos is back to the topic at hand. 

"Only been in Meltokio a few weeks and you've already played hero and picked a fight," he says, shaking his head, smirk plain on his face. "Some things never change, huh?"

"Apparently not racists," Lloyd grumbles, and Zelos breathes out another laugh. "But - yeah, no, I don't really do the whole hero thing anymore. It's been nice, just being able to be Lloyd, just being a blacksmith or a sculptor or whatever."

"So you're taking over your dad's shop, then?"

"Yeah, he's been kinda nudging at me to settle down and do that soon. But for right now I've just been traveling and doing commissions and _being_ in places before I go back home to Iselia to stay."

Zelos' heart pangs a little at the reminder that Lloyd's companionship is temporary, already so intoxicated by his presence and the feeling of being _wanted_ by a _friend_ for once, just like when they had traveled together a decade prior, the strength of Lloyd's smiles and dorky charm enough to woo anyone over, especially when directed at someone who is desperate to be loved.

But then again, Zelos wonders if Lloyd truly _does_ consider him a friend. Ten years without contact doesn't necessarily point towards that, of course, but Zelos is willing to look past that. He doesn't blame the party for going no-contact with him, with the exception of Sheena and Presea, and he truly can't blame them when he didn't try to reach out either. Why would they want him around, anyways?

Ahem. Zelos' thoughts are interrupted by the arrival of their beers and food, and by the time the waiter leaves again, his best mask is taped back on to stay. "So you're gonna stay in Iselia your whole life?"

"Probably," Lloyd shrugs, and for a moment there, Zelos swears he sees Lloyd's expression guard itself. "Iselia is home. It's where I'm supposed to be."

Interesting. Zelos files this away for later. 

"Well, you did say you love your backwater country life," he deflects, changing the subject to something bantery if only to see how Lloyd reacts. To his surprise, Lloyd visibly relaxes a little, and Zelos files _that_ away too. Iselia, a sore spot? What happened there?

"Beats you city-slickers and your awful concrete heat!" Lloyd jokes back, seemingly comfortable again. He takes a bite of a mozzarella stick, obviously avoiding the tomato sauce on the platter, and that little reminder of his hatred of all things tomato causes Zelos to grin. "What about you though, what's going on with you?"

"Not much, I'm afraid," Zelos sighs dramatically. "I've been forced into a lifetime of social working and reputation handling. It's quite awful, but at least the ladies lap it right up."

Lloyd rolls his eyes, taking a swig of beer. "I see that you're still girl-crazy then, huh?"

"Oh no, bud, you got it all wrong. The girls are crazy for _me._ " Zelos places a hand on his chest, bowing his head downwards for just a beat before raising it back up with a grin. "I take it you're still hopeless with romantics?"

"Shut up!" Lloyd laughs, "I've dated before, asshole. I just don't go for anything that breathes like you do!"

Unexpectedly, the admittance that Lloyd has dated before sends a painful shock to Zelos' heart, causing his smirk to falter again. It's the most unreasonable thing to be upset about - the fact that this twenty-seven year old man in front of him has dated people he deemed worth his time, but Zelos feels hurt regardless. He doesn't have any right to feel this way, not when he's got a long list of partners of his own, not when he's a twisted mess who Lloyd probably forgot ten years ago. Zelos probably couldn't compare to the people Lloyd's dated before - _(Colette pops into his head, and he knows he couldn’t compare to her)_ \- but the hurt persists. He silently wonders if Lloyd has ever fallen in love before and takes a swig of his drink. 

"I'm not seeing a ring on your finger though," Zelos probes, opening his heart to break already, a cruel need to know the answer to a miserable question. "You haven't found your princess yet?"

Lloyd rubs at his left hand, pouting a little, and it strikes Zelos then that the exsphere is gone too. Interesting. "Nah," Lloyd answers, "relationships have been kinda messy for me. I'm not really interested in finding anyone anymore."

 _Relationships have been kinda messy for me._ God, can Zelos relate. So instead of saying so, he takes a bite of a fry and washes it down with another mouthful of beer. "See, that's why it's a blessing for you that you're here. Obviously, I can show you around the town and teach you how to catch the best fish of the day!"

If Lloyd rolls his eyes any harder, he's gonna see his own brain. "Sure, Zelos. Whatever floats your boat."

Panic lodges itself in Zelos' chest because that sounded - disappointed, almost. Upset. What did he do to piss Lloyd off, and how did he do it _this_ early into the night? Taking another sip of his liquid courage, Zelos tries to rein in the horses before this carriage runs off into a ditch. "So - uh, what would you like to do while you're in Meltokio?"

"I dunno!" Lloyd replies, and it seems like the change in subject was enough to perk him back up. Zelos breathes a silent sigh of relief, grateful he didn't already blow it. "I _do_ have to work most weekdays, but I guess I'll probably check out the parks and any cool stuff that's been built since I was last here."

"And when was that?" Zelos asks, despite himself.

"Like, five years back or so."

Zelos wants to flinch a little at the realization that Lloyd probably didn't want to seek Zelos out, but even if he _had_ , chances are Lloyd had shown up after Zelos and Seles had gone on their journey. He might have missed him anyways. "Well, Meltokio is ever growing, the populous center of Tethe'allan civilization and glory, where greatness spawns in every corner," Zelos monologues instead of focusing on lost time, waving a hand in the air with a flourish. "I'll tell you about all of the cool places to do tourist-y shit in, and you'll enjoy yourself, I'm sure."

Lloyd's brows knit together a little, and he pouts as he swallows another bite of mozzarella. "You're not gonna come with?"

Wow, Lloyd, with that tone, you would have Zelos think you _want_ him to -

"I was kinda hoping we could explore together? Catch up and - I dunno. It'd be kinda like old times."

Martel, don't _do_ this to him. Zelos quickly forces his mask to stay in place, nails it into his heart and keeps his guard up against the tough waves of pointed, emotional ammo that sent up. On one hand, spending all of that time with Lloyd, just them alone? It sounds like a dream, and with how Lloyd's still dressed up in his suit, all kinds of physically attractive yet so endearingly _Lloyd,_ all clumsy dorkiness and sincerity included, it's hard for Zelos to want to say no.

But the truth of the matter is that Zelos knows that after these next six months, there's a large chance Lloyd will just go back to Iselia and forget this ever happened. That they will just end up as distant acquaintances as they are now. And really, Zelos doesn't want this to happen again. It's best if he just leaves Lloyd alone after tonight, maybe shows his face once or twice more, and then forgets this ever happened. 

But those _eyes_.

It's so unfair, the way that Lloyd is able to puppy dog eye people at the age of _twenty-seven_ , making them incapable of saying no. It's unfair that he looks so damn cute, that he looks at Zelos with honesty, as though he _actually_ wants Zelos around, wants to _actually_ catch up like in old times. And it's so _fucking_ unfair that he still inspires Zelos' heart to race like it's running a marathon. 

Goddamnit. Zelos drinks more beer and waves down the waiter for a refill, because this is going to be one long-ass night to start off a long-ass half to the rest of the year.

"Well, who am I to deny my bud of my wonderful presence?"

 

* * *

 

It turns out that maybe drinking harder to cope wasn't a good way to cope.

After only a few beers on Lloyd's end and enough for Zelos for Lloyd to call it a night and cut him off, the waiter comes back with the tab, interrupting their rowdy conversation and grabbing Lloyd's attention immediately. 

"I've got it," Lloyd calls, pulling out his wallet and running his eyes over the bill. Zelos lets out a noise of protest.

"No, lemme pay," he says, grabbing the bill from Lloyd's hands. Lloyd breathes out a laugh, grin large and wide.

"Zelos, you're drunk. Can you even read the number at the bottom?"

Zelos squints, determinedly attempting to read the numbers that spin around and duplicate on the paper, but the most he can make out is the word "gald." Lloyd snatches the paper out of his hand with a shake of his head.

"I've got it," he repeats.

"Bastard. I can pay."

"You can't even read right now. It's alright, I know you're rich, but surprisingly the commoner can afford to pay for food and drinks too."

"That's not it!" Zelos whines, petulant. 

Lloyd chuckles, sounding more fond than Zelos' drunk mind has any right to hear him sounding. "I know, I know. You don't think like that. Don't worry about it, really. I don't mind paying."

Zelos pouts as Lloyd hands back the bill with enough gald to pay off their tabs, unable to find any way to fight him back on it without making it obvious that Zelos being able to pay for Lloyd would make it feel more like a date, and Zelos has always been one to favor illusions of things he can't have. But at least he gets to see the self-satisfied look on Lloyd's face, all smiles and warm thank-yous to the waiter who's been dealing with them all night.

Even on their first journey, Zelos can recall Lloyd being the type to tip well when money wasn't tight, but seeing him do the same here and thank the waiter for being patient brings a wave of nostalgia to Zelos' heart. The poor waiter looks embarrassed yet pleased at being thanked for doing his job, and Zelos just giggles a little as the waiter walks away with the bill. Country boy kindness indeed, most waiters in Meltokio just get their tip and no trouble if they're lucky. 

"Well, you ready to go?" Lloyd asks, brow raised. Zelos nods, standing, but the moment he lets go of the table and walks forward from the booth, he stumbles, eyes widening as he attempts to catch himself.

Thankfully, Lloyd comes to the rescue with a yelped "woah!" Grabbing onto the back of Zelos' suit, he pulls Zelos back and keeps him from falling forward into his face. "Drank more than you meant to, huh?" Lloyd asks, and Zelos is torn between wanting to kiss the laugh out of his voice and smack him for it. 

"Being sober is for squares," Zelos responds lamely, clinging to Lloyd's side for balance. "I'm cool and I'm drunk and I'm irresistible."

Lloyd laughs out loud this time, tossing an arm over Zelos' shoulders and bringing him closer. Zelos tenses at the proximity and the touch, but he soon gives in to the urge let himself have this because he won't ever have any claim to Lloyd's touches after this, and he allows himself to relax, leaning his head on Lloyd's shoulder and wrapping an arm high on his waist. He tries not to think of how firm Lloyd feels against him, how Lloyd doesn't seem at all bothered by this, and Zelos _definitely_ doesn't think about how Lloyd still looks like a fucking snack.

Life is so goddamn unfair. So unfair.

"Let's get you home, Zelos," sounds so nice coming from Lloyd's mouth, so warm and even a touch concerned, as though Lloyd really cares about if Zelos gets home safely - which, thinking about it, he probably _does._ Lloyd's always been a worrier, always checking up on others before resolving his own issues, and Zelos is drunk enough to let himself believe Lloyd cares about him enough to treat him the same. 

Lloyd waves to Queenie as they leave, shouting out a thank you, and Zelos is somehow able to stay coordinated enough to blow her a kiss and a wink. She smirks at him, something knowing dancing in her eyes, amusement plain on her face as her glance bounces from him to Lloyd. The expression is loud and clear to Zelos, and he can feel his face warm slightly beyond the flush of being drunk. Goddamn bartenders, too intuitive for their own good.

They stumble out of _The Doghouse,_ Lloyd's arm on Zelos' shoulders keeping him from tipping over like he would otherwise. The humidity of Meltokio hits them the moment the doors close behind them, light in the night but nonetheless present and a little suffocating. With Lloyd being this close to him and the humidity working to choke Zelos in his stuffy clothes, it's a wonder he's still able to breathe.

"You still live in the same mansion, yeah?" Lloyd asks, guiding them into the central square again. Zelos nods against his chest.

"Mhm," he hums aloud, mind elsewhere. "Same one. Wilder family legacy and all that, y'know."

"Sebastian still work for y'all?"

Zelos hums again, kinda wishing Lloyd would shut up, kinda content to hear Lloyd talk about anything so long as he gets to hear his voice. Lloyd's accent is thin, usually a little less drawling than other native born Sylvaranti's, but it seems to get thicker with the introduction of alcohol and it's addictive. Why is Lloyd so hot. "Yes."

"Good," Lloyd says, and the way he absentmindedly taps his fingers on Zelos' shoulder is very cute and very distracting, though Zelos won't say anything about it in fear he'll stop. "Wanted to make sure someone would be able to take care of you tonight."

The innuendo is there, ready to be reached for and used on the flip of a dime, the playful and easy invitation into Zelos' room for Lloyd to _take care_ of him. Zelos has used the same type of line so many times it's a wonder it still works with the floozies and bimbos he uses it on, but even if instinct says to go with it, he stops himself. For one, Lloyd isn't just some random person to take to bed, and - even if he _wanted_ Zelos like Zelos wants him, the idea of this just becoming a one night stand is rather horrifying. Not with Lloyd. Lloyd deserves better than that, deserves better than Zelos. So instead, Zelos plays up the act, tightens his grip on Lloyd just the smallest amount. "Look at you, being such a gentleman and walkin' me home. You're making me feel like a damsel!"

Lloyd huffs a laugh, and Zelos can just tell it accompanied either a shake of the head or a roll of the eyes. "Oh shut it, Zelos."

"It's the truth! Mhm, yes sir, I'm wondering what happened to the disaster of a boy I knew way back when. You didn't have a gentle bone in your body."

"What was that?" Lloyd asks, using his free hand to poke at Zelos' cheek, at which Zelos sputters. "I couldn't understand half of that on account of you slurring everything."

"Wow. I am _not_ that drunk."

Lloyd suddenly lets him go, and Zelos yelps as he stumbles, only for Lloyd to grab the back of his suit again with a laugh. "Not that drunk, my ass!"

"Lllllloooooooooyyyyyyyydddddddd," Zelos whines, wrapping his arm around Lloyd's waist again. "What the hell, that was mean!"

"It was not! I was gonna catch you no matter what, you drama queen."

Zelos grumbles under his breath, causing Lloyd to laugh again. The redhead pouts, but the way Lloyd giggles slowly brings a smile back up to his face. He's so cute. What the hell.

They walk through the various streets of Upper Meltokio, small conversations about nothing bouncing between them as they make their way to the Wilder Mansion. It's calm, Zelos finds, comfortable and familiar, the bantering and playful arguing. Time hasn't taken away Lloyd's childishness or his optimism, and it hasn't weakened his brand of wit. It's refreshing, being around him, and eventually, Zelos begins to relax into it all. 

"We're about a minute or two away, Zelos."

"I know where my own damn house is, Irving."

"Shut up, you can't even tell your left from your right as of right now."

"Stop judging me for being drunk!"

Both men end up laughing again, holding each other up and guffawing with a mixture of amusement, late-night giggles, and alcohol. It's so dumb, how happy this makes Zelos, but. Lloyd's always been dumb, always had a dumb talent for doing exactly that - making Zelos feel _happy._

"Ten years," Zelos muses after a moment of silence, and he can feel Lloyd's grip on his shoulder tighten just the smallest amount. "Can't believe it's been ten years."

"... Yeah," Lloyd says with a sigh, relaxing again. "Time flies, I guess."

There are a lot of questions Zelos wants to ask him. What happened in the past ten years to give Lloyd that sad tinge to his voice and that morose glint in his eyes, why he never kept in touch with Zelos but seems so happy to be with him now, why he doesn't want to go back to Iselia. But those are all far too personal, far too much for a stranger like Zelos to ask, so he doesn't.

"Yeah. Never thought I'd live to thirty-two, honestly. Twenty-two seemed like a long enough life," Zelos shrugs, the alcohol in his system making him dangerously unaware of what it is he's implied. But for however drunk he is, Lloyd's own tipsiness is not nearly as much of a powerful force on his thinking abilities, and he stops in his tracks.

"Zelos?"

"Hm?"

"Did you -" Lloyd pauses, and Zelos can hear him swallow. Zelos turns to face him properly and is met with something akin to horrified realization on his face.

"What?"

"... Nothing," Lloyd says, finally, and reaches back for Zelos, continuing on their walk. "Nothing, it's - don't worry about it."

Well, Zelos can’t really find it in him to worry about much other than the fact that he hates it when Lloyd lets go of him, not with the close contact and gentle quiet between them. It makes the dark of the night so much more welcoming, even if Lloyd’s glances back to Zelos’ face are obvious even through his stupor. A lame line about taking a picture pops into Zelos’ mind, but he keeps it to himself, not ready to pop the bubble surrounding them.

True to Lloyd’s words, they stumble upon the Wilder Mansion only minutes later. Lloyd takes the initiative, ringing up the house and asking for entrance, and Zelos can hear the exasperation in Sebastian’s voice as he orders for the gates to be opened. Lloyd leads Zelos up through the path to the front door of the mansion, the sounds of their steps against cobblestone blending with the songs of crickets and cicadas, the moonlight illuminating them plainly from above. It’s peaceful, it’s calm.

Zelos doesn’t want it to end.

“Where are you staying?”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“Where are you staying?” Zelos repeats, a little impatient. He hides his face minimally, using his bangs to curtain the hesitance that shows through on his face. “While you’re in Meltokio.”

“Oh. Uh, my commissioners are letting me stay at an inn for free, so. Upper Meltokio.”

Zelos’ head spins, and it’s not because of the alcohol. As he sees it, he has two choices on how he can approach this irrational desire of his: he can be honest with Lloyd, about how badly he wants to become acquainted with him again, explain how he’s felt more at peace with Lloyd tonight than he has with anyone other than Seles in the past ten years. Or, he could go with the second choice: be silent about his selfishness, hide behind layers of implied emotions nobody could read off the bat, and keep Lloyd in the dark about it all.

Zelos Wilder is many things. Brave is not one of them.

“What nonsense,” he mutters, waving a hand flippantly in the air. “You should stay in the manor, ‘s not like we don’t have enough room, and the inns in Upper Meltokio smell bad, anyways.”

Lloyd stills, and for a moment, fear begins to claw up at Zelos’ heart, raw and angry. _Way to go, you scared him,_ it says, irrational in the beat of time it takes for Lloyd to respond. But if the fear was like fire, burning and fierce, Lloyd’s small, yet excited smile is like water, refreshing and soothing, relieving after a hot summer day.

“I’d love to, Zelos. Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zelloyd are gay 2: electric boogaloo
> 
> anyways hello thank you for reading! this chapter was a lot of fun to write bc i adore writing bickering scenes and honestly my lloyd muse is Way stronger than my zelos one, so lloyd dialogue comes easy to me. the doghouse doesnt actually exist (as far as im aware) but i based it off of the chillest brewery ive been to irl so i hope it actually seems bar-like. queenie was inspired by the fact that im gay for bartender tropes
> 
> same thing goes since last chapter! if you liked this fic please consider leaving kudos/a comment bc it really does make me want to write more slkdjflkdsfj but the third chapter is already started and in progress so hopefully yall wont have to wait long!! as always, my twitter is @/thesealedvessel in case you wanna hear my rambling or any thoughts i got on my many fandoms!! have a great one, yall


	3. could it be that i've changed or have you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get complicated.

The next day greets Zelos with a headache and a fuzzy recollection of the previous night, ever so grateful for the lush curtains that block the sunlight no doubt attempting to stream out from past his windows. He groans, low and somewhat pained, and gropes at the blanket on the opposite side of the bed, eyes still shut tight. Nobody there, so either he came home by himself last night, or whoever he went to bed with left already.

Either way, that takes care of the whole "I have to look presentable and like I want - at all - to be social" thing, so Zelos takes his time attempting to get out of bed. He mutters the incantation for Healing Wind under his breath, slowly opening his eyes against a frankly unattractive crust that's built up on them, and waits until the worst of the pounding in his head is gone. Where was he even, last night? The ball thing. Right, Seles had asked (told) him to go. Squinting his eyes, he thinks a little harder past the combined morning and hangover fog that clouds his mind. The party, he had been standing around doing nothing, sitting pretty, and then -

Oh. Fuck.

Suddenly, and for the most part, all at once, the memories of the evening flash into Zelos' thinkspace. He sits up, grasping at his head with a wince as soon as his pain catches up with the movement. Lloyd. He met up with Lloyd again, an entire decade of no contact later, on some chance meeting at the party, and they went to a pub, and he was so  _ cute  _ and  _ nice -  _

Zelos groans again. His memories past the third beer are fuzzy and dizzying, not at all coherent enough to piece together whether or not his actions stayed appropriate the entire night. What possessed him into thinking that drinking so much beer after nursing champagne for a few hours beforehand was a good idea, and how does he permanently expunge it from his system? 

' _Okay Zelos, take it easy_ ,' Zelos thinks, pushing the blanket off of himself and finally moving to stand. ' _ Chances are, he walked me home and left. Lloyd's always been considerate like that. _ ' 

It takes a few shaky steps before Zelos is able to stand without what's left of his headache making everything worse, but he makes it to the bathroom connected to his room and pauses in front of his sink. His skin looks pale and the freckles that dot his cheeks and the bridge of his nose stand out stark against it, making his lips curl up into a sneer. Damn things, he hates them.

Whatever. He turns on the faucet, waits until the water running on his hand turns warm, and then splashes it on his face. Rubbing at his tear ducts helps with the pressure of the headache, so he continues until Healing Wind gets rid of that pain too.

From there, it's just taking a morning piss and brushing his teeth. Zelos isn't even sure what time it is by the time he stumbles out of the bathroom, searching for the sweet relief of caffeine to clear up the lingering fog in his mind. He tosses on a shirt hanging off the doorknob to his closet, buttons it up while leaving the top three undone, and picks up whatever pants he had on yesterday to wear again. Whatever, it's not like anyone who isn't a staff member or Seles will see him anyways.

Or at least that's what Zelos thought. As soon as he makes it down the stairs to the first floor and rounds the corner into the kitchen, he's surprised by the sound of a loud round of laughter. He'd recognize the sound of both laughs immediately, the quiet-but-strong giggles of his sister, and the loud-but-endearing cackles of Lloyd Irving, and the combination of the two strikes fear dead into his heart. Ready to forego coffee entirely, Zelos begins to quietly walk backwards, antsy to hide in his room and make himself presentable before he has to confront the both of them.

"Ah, there you are, Master Zelos," says a voice behind Zelos, and he yelps, jumping forward three feet and landing himself right in the middle of the kitchen's open doorway. Immediately, Seles and Lloyd look his way, Lloyd looking surprised and Seles absolutely amused. "I was wondering if you would like breakfast."

"S-Sebastian! Always a pleasure," Zelos grits out, able to recognize the teasing glint to his tired eyes, the asshole. He did this on purpose. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd love breakfast. After all, the morning meal is the most important one -"

"It's noon," says Lloyd, the peanut gallery, with a shit-eating grin. He places his forearm on the table, holding his chin with his hand. "Welcome to the land of the living, sleeping beauty."

"Actually, Lloyd," Seles adds, hiding what is no doubt a matching grin behind a mug, "you're being rather kind there. It's one o'clock, Zelos."

"Yeah, well," Zelos sputters, flushing and shooting his sister a glare. Traitor. "The sun is out, and that's close enough to morning."

"The sun is out for twelve hours a day, sir," Sebastian chimes, and Zelos whirls around and gapes at the butler who's digging at him too. Mutiny. This is a mutiny. "Would you be implying that the sun at five in the evening is at the same position as the sun at seven in the morning?"

Seles starts giggling again, and Lloyd looks delighted by the turn of events. Self-conscious of the fact that he's half dressed and not at all as put together as the guest in the house, the flush on Zelos' face darkens and he spins around to walk towards the coffee machine. Not only does he  _ require  _ coffee at this point, but he really doesn't need anyone else in the kitchen to take note of his blush. Zelos busies himself with getting his coffee made, trying to inconspicuously brush through his hair with his free hand while doing so, back turned to the table.

"So, breakfast?" Zelos says, shooting Sebastian a side-eye. The butler's lips quirk upwards just the slightest bit.

"Lunch," Lloyd says in a cough, and Seles' snort tells Zelos that they get along way too well. 

"Very well, sir," Sebastian says with an almost indistinguishable smirk as he leaves the room, presumably to fetch the attention of one of the chefs within the mansion. 

"You both are the worst," Zelos snarks, back still turned to the troublemakers behind him, thinking they're so sneaky with their quiet giggles. This doesn't shut them up, only forces louder laughter from them, and Zelos bites back a smirk. At his expense or not, the fact that they get along is… embarrassingly important to him.

"How's that hangover, Zelos?" His sister asks, and the smile immediately falls, replaced by a glare she can't see. 

"Hangover?" Zelos responds, voice tight and high with laughter. He places his mug under the dispenser and spins around to fact them while the coffee pours, ignoring the mortification that's currently attempting to eat at his entire being. Seles, have mercy, there is a guest here and Zelos would like to look like he's got his shit together. "What hangover?"

"You know very well what hangover, dear brother," she says, mixing at her coffee with a small spoon. Her voice is strict and unrelenting, but now that he can see her face, he can see a flash of concern, a slight dip of her brow. She's just worried. Still doesn't make it any less embarrassing, but.

"I'm okay, Seles. Honestly!" Zelos plucks the mug from the dispenser as the bell chimes. He raises it to his mouth, Lloyd’s eyes widening -

"Zelos, shouldn't you give it a second to cool -"

And burns his tongue immediately. 

Zelos gulps down the coffee fast, the burn of it down his throat incredibly unpleasant, and has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop from cursing out loud. To their credit, both witnesses  _ do _ look a little concerned for him, but the embarrassment of just how much of a mess he’s being makes Zelos’ stomach churn, a desperate need to actually put himself together somehow after all of this taking hold. He can't just  _ leave  _ now that he’s made his presence known, but god does he wish he can.

“Are you alright?” Lloyd asks, and even though Zelos  _ knows  _ he’s just asking out of honest worry, the irrational shame is still there. Zelos opens his mouth without thinking, about to snap at Lloyd for just making his shortbringings obvious, but Seles sends him a  _ look _ , one that’s both a scold and a warning all at once. It’s scary how good his little sister has gotten at reading him and his actions, apparently before he even partakes in them. Clamping his mouth shut, he forces a smile onto his face instead, silently thanking Seles for stopping him before he said something he didn’t mean.

“I’m fine, just… hungover,” Zelos finally admits, leaning on the counter and focusing his eyes on the coffee he swirls in it’s mug. 

“Figured you would be, honestly,” Lloyd says, and Zelos looks back up to find a small smile on Lloyd’s face, something understanding. “You drank me under the table yesterday. Take it easy today, man.”

“He’s correct, Zelos,” Seles adds, and though she’s not nearly as condoning as Lloyd is, her tone carries enough sympathy for Zelos to know she feels for him. “Rest up. I’ll take over Wilder duties today. After all, you  _ did _ take my place at the party yesterday. It’s only fair.”

Zelos hums, not really comforted (his messy appearance and even messier mind are still irritating him, and he still feels vulnerable in his hungover state,) but Seles and Lloyd’s shared sentiment help Zelos feel a little less like a clown in his own personal, hungover circus. It’s easier to work past the negativity that bothers him knowing that they don’t seem to care, at least. It’s all irrational, honestly - Seles has seen Zelos snotty and gross and at the peak of emotional breakthroughs, and Lloyd has been just as bloodied and battered as he has. This is nothing.

(To Zelos, it feels like everything.)

After a few beats of silence, Seles places her mug down on the counter and slides off of her chair, pushing it back in neatly afterwards. Grabbing the mug again, she carries it over to the sink and rinses it off, drying her hands and turning to Zelos with a clap of her hands.

“Well! I’m off. The Rosenburgs have requested parlor talk, and I figure I’ll spare you of them today,” she grabs at Zelos’ free hand and squeezes it gently, her own way of encouraging him, and Zelos smiles tiredly at her in response. Dropping his hand, she turns and glances at Lloyd.

“It was a pleasure to finally actually meet you in good circumstances, Lloyd.”

“Hey, same here!” Lloyd beams, waving once. “Have a good time, Seles. Don’t fall asleep during boring gossip.”

“Boring gossip, in Upper Meltokio? Truly an impossible feat,” she jokes with a shake of her head. “Behave now, both of you, or I’ll have Sebastian tell you off in my absence.”

And with that, Seles steps out of the kitchen. Lloyd chuckles a bit and sends Zelos a grin, taking a sip of his coffee. “That sister of yours is a force to be reckoned with.”

Zelos cracks a proud smile. "Of course she is, she has her older brother to look up to, after all!"

They both laugh, Lloyd's accompanied with a roll of the eyes that's become common in Zelos' presence. Zelos blows on the surface of his coffee for a bit, lets it cool, and takes a cautious sip, letting the laughter fade off as he does. 

"I'm glad she's here with you now," Lloyd says, and Zelos almost chokes, not expecting the sudden sincerity. "That she's not in the Abbey anymore, I mean. You guys seem really close, that's great."

Zelos clears his throat, swirling the mug in his hand and staring down at the coffee as it spins. “Yeah, she uh, moved in a few months after the journey ended. Took a whole lot of haggling the powers that be, but I was able to get her free.”

“And her medical issues? They were all cleared?”

Zelos hums an affirmation, not exactly willing to lie but definitely not wanting to tell the truth, either. For all of Tethe’alla’s brash talk of their power and influence, they really did trick everyone into thinking a young girl was sick, if only for a justifiable excuse to keep her locked up and away from the only family she had left. Zelos feels himself bristle, his lips pulling back into a sneer, and takes a sip of coffee to cover it. For years, he had thought he was to blame for her living conditions, for an illness he couldn’t know was faked, and for years, she was forced into lying to him about it.

“I’m glad she’s feeling better then,” Lloyd says, always the naive optimist. It grates a little on Zelos, the fact that he believes a lie that Zelos did just as wholeheartedly, because if anyone deserves the truth, its Lloyd. But Zelos stays quiet, lets him believe what he was told, because that's easier than opening up the floodgates that lead to Zelos and Seles’ shared woes.

The silence lingers, the sound of Zelos’ spoon scraping lightly against the bottom of his mug and the way Lloyd taps his fingers against the marble counter he sits at providing most of the backdrop to their positions rather than any actual conversation they could be having between them. Internally, Zelos wonders what Lloyd’s even  _ doing  _ here, fuzzy memories past a certain drink becoming straight up unreachable, no matter how hard he drills into his mind for answers. He dares a quick glance at Lloyd, who’s staring at the counter as though it's the most interesting thing he’s ever seen before.

This awkward silence is unbefitting either of them. It forces Zelos’ anxiety up his spine in a crawl, a sickening realization that for all of their history, Lloyd and Zelos no longer really  _ know  _ each other past a superficial profile painted on for others’ enjoyment. Zelos knows  _ nothing  _ about Lloyd, really, just that he’s a true blacksmith who plans on going back to Iselia when this is all over. Zelos opens his mouth, looking for anything, any specific subject he can grab onto to fill this space between them, making them feel less like known strangers than they are -

“Hey, do you remember when we egged the elder of Heimdall’s house?”

The suddenness of Lloyd's voice causes Zelos to blink and look up, catching his hesitantly playful gaze. Lloyd stops tapping on the counter, instead pushing away from it with both arms, letting his chair lean on its back legs. It's absolutely not the way any adult should let themselves sit, and if the chair falls, Zelos will laugh at him, but it's nice to see the childishness he once knew in Lloyd again.

"Of course I do. You were so insistent on it."

"Yeah, well," Lloyd stammers slightly, called out on the fact that it  _ was _ , in fact, his idea. "He shouldn't have been a racist."

"You know how Heimdall is," Zelos says, taking another sip of his coffee, raising an eyebrow around it. "Those people cling onto their traditions and society so hard they hang themselves with 'em."

"Yeah, yeah. I mean, they're better now. Hopefully," Lloyd adds, relaxing his arms and letting his chair's front legs hit the ground again. "But egging the house was fun."

"It was. Seeing Raine's face was even better."

"It was great. She didn't know whether to thank us or to scold us."

"I think the way she smacked you and then went in for a high five was probably the best way to sum up your relationship with her, honestly."

Lloyd laughs, leaning forward on the counter. "Nothing like property damage to get the professor to finally let loose. Somewhat."

"You sure it just took property damage?" Zelos says, putting his mug down again to give Lloyd a questioning look, "did you  _ see _ the way she acted around ruins?"

Lloyd cracks another grin at that, nodding. "I write to Genis pretty often and he lets me know that she has not changed at all in that aspect. He complains about the ruins she drags him to  _ quite _ often."

"Poor kid. I would have a terrible time."

"So would I! Ruins were right behind spirit temples in my least favorite places to go through in our journey."

"I was not at all a fan of going through the sewers that one time," Zelos admits, nose twitching with the memory of the stench that followed them that day. "And to do it so soon after meeting you guys - talk about an introduction to roughing it on the road."

Lloyd rolls his eyes, but his smile is still there, wide and present. "It wasn't  _ that  _ bad."

"No, it was absolutely that bad."

"Sure, sure," Lloyd resorts waving it off with a snort. Zelos can't stop himself from reaching over to flick him on the forehead, to which Lloyd feigns offense. "Wow! And here I thought you valued my input."

"Not when your input is directly contradictory to my opinion."

"So you want an echo chamber?"

"Yes. That sounds fantastic, actually. Be that."

The silence lingers as they stare at each other for a bit, both rather blank-faced, before it's broken by an airy giggle from Lloyd. Zelos joins in, both of them laughing lightly to the ridiculousness of it all. "God, we did so much stupid shit on that journey," Zelos says after a few chuckles, running his finger around the rim of the mug. “It’s a miracle we were able to save the worlds, the lot of us being total morons like we were.”

“Hey! Speak for yourself!”   
  
“Oh, you’re right, my bad. It’s a miracle we were able to save the worlds while being lead by you, a moron.”

“Goddess, fuck you,” Lloyd says before he takes a final sip of coffee and places the empty mug back down. “So, did you and Seles travel at all when she was freed? She mentioned you guys playing tourist a bit when I was talking to her earlier.”

Zelos raises an eyebrow, wondering just how much his darling sister told Lloyd during their chat, but nods nonetheless. “We did go traveling together, yes. Left about five years ago and only came home a few months back.” Closing his eyes with a careless shrug, he smirks. “Traveled the world, met a bunch of admirers, did all of the usual brother-sister bonding stuff, y’know,” he opens his eyes again, catching how Lloyd rolls his own eyes at Zelos’ flippancy, “enjoyed the moment, or whatever those motivational speakers love to yell in Meltokio Square.” 

“Well, I’m glad you guys got to bond. It’s obvious you guys mean a lot to each other,” Lloyd replies, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair, smile taking on an earnest front that strikes a slight, discombobulated hint of embarrassment and suspicion in Zelos’ heart. Why does he care so much? For either of them? 

_ What does he want from me? _

“Yeah, yeah,” Zelos says, waving aside the sincerity instead of letting it coat his words, still too unused to interacting like this, still far too aware of the ten years of no contact, to even think of letting himself slip up. “It was nice to get to know her and drive her crazy. Big brother responsibilities, after all.”

Lloyd snorts. “I’m sure she got a few licks in on you, too.”

“Of course she did, she’s a Wilder.”

Nodding his head to the right, Lloyd shoots Zelos a mischievous grin. “That tracks. Wilders are fantastic at getting under someone’s skin.”

Zelos gapes, putting a hand to his heart in feigned offense. “Wow! No need to be an asshole!”

Lloyd doesn’t respond, just sticks his tongue out.  _ What a child,  _ Zelos thinks, but the way he can feel his lips curl up in amusement betrays his fondness. It's in this break in the conversation that Zelos eyes Lloyd, tilting his head to the right just so. For however nice this discussion has been, Lloyd still hasn't announced his reason for being here, or why he's sitting here, comfortable and happy, like he has no intention of leaving anytime soon. The lack of a proper answer to the question of  _ why are you here _ nags at Zelos, so he raises his eyebrows, places his forearm on the counter and holds his chin in his hands, a perfect picture of polite inquisitor.

"So, Lloyd, not that I'm unhappy to see you, but just what  _ are _ you doing here?"

Lloyd's brows knit together. "In Meltokio?"

Zelos waves his hand. "No, no, I know what you're doing here in Meltokio. What are you doing in the  _ manor _ , I mean."

Lloyd sits up straight, realization flashing across his eyes before his expression becomes guarded, smile turning blank, unbefitting of himself. Zelos almost recoils from the suddenness of it, because he's always known Lloyd to wear his heart on his sleeve, and this is  _ wrong - _

"You don't remember," he says, voice even. 

"Remember what?"

"You uh, invited me. To stay with you guys while I'm working here."

Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Zelos winces, understanding now why Lloyd would react as he did. Shame fills the chambers of his heart as he mentally turns over the offer of his drunk self, one that he forgot. This is embarrassing, honestly, to have forgotten such an important thing as  _ inviting a guest over for six months _ , but to forget inviting  _ Lloyd _ , who's not  _ just  _ some guest… Zelos swallows down the frog in his throat. Lloyd's probably uncomfortable now, judging by the tense air that's suddenly enveloped them.

Save face, Zelos. Answer for your past self.

"Drunk me had the right idea, then," he says, nodding slightly, giving Lloyd what he hopes is a friendly smile. "Saved me the time of having to ask you to take the guest room, anyways."

Lloyd relaxes just the slightest bit, the smile becoming just that much more real, and already, Zelos starts to feel better. Silently, he wonders when Lloyd began to smile fake smiles, and who did him wrong enough to have him think he has to.

Lloyd opens his mouth to speak, but Sebastian walks into the kitchen with one of the family chefs, who greets Zelos and Lloyd with a bow. In the mess of metal clangs and questions directed towards Zelos about what he would like to eat, Lloyd stands, grabbing his mug and taking it over to the kitchen sink, rinsing it out.

He walks by Zelos, sends him a grin and a wave. "I gotta get to the Upper Square. Have some things to discuss with my team, so. I'll see you later, Zelos."

"Bye, bud," Zelos says, watching as he turns and walks out of this kitchen, feeling like he’s taken two steps forward and three steps back. What  _ happened _ to make Lloyd this hard to read?

How does Zelos get to a place where Lloyd will let him understand what's going through his mind?

Does he deserve it?

 

* * *

 

The day drags by as Zelos gets lost in his head, the silence of the house even more obvious than it usually is with the absence of both Seles and now Lloyd. After breakfast -  _ lunch, fine  _ \- Zelos heads back up the grand staircase to the second floor of the manor, attempting to piece together Lloyd’s behaviors, his tense quirks and fake smiles, and fit them to the boy he once knew. For as long as they had journeyed together - Zelos would hesitate to call them friends even back then - Lloyd had never acted like  _ this, _ with masks or otherwise blank faces.

Zelos sighs. Lloyd’s changed. Maybe not in such a way that subtracts from his own charm, but in a way that makes talking to him feel almost like talking to a member of Meltokio nobility. Keep it safe, keep it shallow, or else the mine will blow up from under your feet.

Shaking his head, Zelos walks down the hall to his room, stepping into it and undoing the buttons on his shirt. He needs a shower to clear his head, and he  _ really _ needs to wash his hair, judging by how his hand meets tangles of resistance as he attempts to drag it through. With another sigh, this time of irritation, Zelos walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind him, lets the faint smell of roses greet him. Dropping his shirt on the floor, Zelos strolls up to the glinting granite counters and grabs his bottle of detangler and a wide-toothed comb before plopping himself down on the edge of his wide porcelain tub. At the very least, he thinks as he starts the detangling process, taking care of his mane proves to be an excellent distraction.

Not for long though. A shower later and he’s left with damp yet styled hair and the return of his earlier worrying. It’s so dumb to be worked up over this - Lloyd is a guest, sure, someone Zelos wants to impress regardless of whether or not he wants to admit it, but. He’s a grown man. Zelos doesn’t have to worry about him. It’ll be fine. It’s irrational to act like something is wrong in every possible interaction, and Zelos wrestles with the reality that he isn’t sure what he wants from this - does he want to be friends with Lloyd? Does he want him to leave? Does he want to be more?

Even just friends seems like a longshot.

The silence in the house is deafening, and with the anxiety continuing to eat at him, making him antsy, restless, and determined to find something to do, he makes his way across the manor and into his study, for once, preferring to work on sending letter replies and schedule meetings over spending the day in his own head. While he has pulled his weight in society by helping reform the church and the worst parts of Tethe’allan living, the Chosen’s work is never done, unfortunately, and five years of running away from the expectations that chased him made that all too clear. People expect him at parties, at gatherings, just to say he’s there and make themselves sound cooler than they are. Replying to invitations and small talk in the form of fancy letters with wax seals is just about as mindless as anything else he could do, so he handles it with a bored sense of satisfaction. At least he gets to tell Duchess Yenoia “no, kindly don’t write to me anymore,” and sign it off with a flourish.

If Zelos could have his way, he’d never have to write another letter or cater to the whims of some rich socialites ever again. He’d disappear off the face of Tethe’alla, become a no-name and a once-was, and hide away from it all. But.

Zelos pauses in sealing another envelope, letting the golden wax sit in it’s spoon over a burning candle, and pulls up his sleeve, smiling fondly at the leather bracelet that sits on his wrist, twirled with dyed fabric and tied into place. A small gift from his sister on a past birthday while they were both traveling together, but one that reminds him of who he is, first and foremost. He is Zelos before he is a Wilder, and at least one person still likes him over a persona that should have never existed. Grabbing the spoon and slowly pouring the wax onto the parchment of the envelope, Zelos cements his purpose. Stay with Seles. Don’t make her feel lonely again.

By the time the letters have been finished and Zelos has called a servant to have them mailed off, the light of mid-day has been flushed out by dimming twilight. Zelos stands, yawning slightly, and puts his hands on his hips, looking back down at the now-clear desk. He supposes he could go out and find some way to keep himself busy and entertained, but Seles would be disappointed to know he got over a hangover just to give himself another one, and - well, Lloyd is staying with them now. Zelos hesitates, looking over at the jacket he usually has in the study for this reason - sneaking out to distract himself - and shakes his head. No giving off a bad impression here. If Lloyd comes home and Zelos is out partying again, it’d just look like he’s an asshole (which he is, but Lloyd doesn’t need to know to what extent.)

So instead, Zelos exits the study and walks down the stairs and through the foyer, entering the den and straightening his posture out with a stretch. Ignoring the vases of flowers that decorate the corners of the room, where golden, intricately painted design meets intricately painted design, he walks up to the sleek, ebony grand piano that sits in the middle of the room, beckoning to him with a calm presence. Pulling the bench out from just underneath the piano, Zelos sits upright, lifts the fallboard, and lets his fingers drift over the ivory keys. It’s been a while since he last played, preferring to keep it as a childhood-attention-grabber-turned-hobby for himself and  _ only _ himself, unless Seles requests a song or two. Shaking out his hands, he gets into position: a foot on the sustaining pedal, back straight as a rod, and wrists high above the keyboard. Zelos presses down a key, sighs, and lets himself get lost in playing a song as mindless and superficial as the smiles he sees in the mirror.

* * *

 

Four songs later and Zelos allows himself a break, pulling back and relaxing into the seat, cracking his knuckles in front of him as he takes a breather. The faint twilight has since faded from outside, leaving night in its place, and the moonlight illuminates the areas of the room the lit candelabras don’t touch.

“That was beautiful, man,” someone says from the doorway, voice low and quiet, as if afraid to ruin the calm of the moment. Zelos jumps, turning around on the bench, eyes wide, to find Lloyd standing, leaning against the open archway. “I didn’t know you played piano.”

“Aha, you heard all of that?” Zelos asks, a light flush making its way onto his cheeks. He grabs a lock of hair and plays with the bottom of it mindlessly, forcing a smirk onto his face in order to hide his surprise. “I’m a man of natural talent, obviously.”

“Bullshit,” Lloyd laughs, crossing his arms with a grin. Zelos can see paint stains decorating his arms, messy and bright. “I  _ know _ learning an instrument isn’t easy.”

Zelos’ smirk drops into an amused gape. “Shut up, you play?”

Looking away, Lloyd’s grin turns embarrassed as he reaches up to scratch at his cheek. “I’m not real great or anything, but I picked up guitar a few years back. I had a friend teach me the basics.”

Zelos pulls down the fallboard and lets himself lean lightly against the piano. “Look at you, a jack of all trades. Smithery, fighting, art and music?”

“I’d hardly count being able to pluck a bit at a guitar aficionado status, Zelos.”

“Oh don’t play humble,” Zelos says, waving a hand in the air, tipping his head just to the right enough to seem playful and not at all betray the relief he feels at not having to get into the reasonings behind his knowing piano. “Speaking of art, what’s with the -“ he gestures at Lloyd’s arms “- paint everywhere?”

“Ah,” Lloyd holds his arms out in front of him, glancing at the paint as though he just realized just how much was on him. “Well, I can’t go into too much detail, but we’re in the planning phase for something and color swatching was happening. My coworkers are all goofballs.”

“So you fit right in, then?” Zelos teases, laughing at the way Lloyd sticks his tongue out at him. “What kind of art do you do anyways?”

“I’m a sculptor,” Lloyd answers. “Bronze sculptor, specifically. I started getting really into it when I was around fifteen.”

“And you didn’t show me any of your work? You holding out on me?”

“Hey, I didn’t say I was any good at it,” Lloyd laughs again, with a bit of a shrug. “I had just learned how to make proper molds and stuff when I met you, and I didn’t pick it back up until after the journey. It just seemed like a natural art to pick up since I was already a blacksmith.”

Zelos hums. “So you’re building a statue for Meltokio, then?”

“Can’t tell you,” Lloyd replies, shaking his head with a knowing smile. “Non-disclosure agreement, you know how it be.”

Zelos boos. Lloyd chuckles. It feels nice to be goofy again.

And then Zelos gets curious.

“So, how was life in Iselia after the journey?”

Lloyd’s eyebrows knit together the slightest amount. “Fine? What do you mean?”

“What I  _ mean _ ,” Zelos explains, crossing his arms across his chest, “is what’s gone on with you since the journey? Did you and Colette ever get together?”

“What? No, she’s like a sister to me,” Lloyd says, confusion clear in his voice. 

“Really? I thought for sure you would end up together.” Zelos keeps the slight relief from his voice, hating himself for the simple fact that it  _ exists. _

“Nah, she’s dating Sheena. Did you not know?”

Zelos chokes, eyes going wide. “She’s - what!”

“They’ve been dating for five years. I thought somebody told you.”

“Yeah, well,” Zelos averts his eyes, coughing a little. He feels - hurt, really, that nobody, not even  _ Sheena _ herself had told him, but given that he hasn’t had a conversation with Sheena in ages, maybe he shouldn’t be surprised. Information that only people actually cared about are privy to, he guesses. “They didn’t. But whatever. What about the brat and his ice beauty of a sister?”

“Genis and Raine are fine,” Lloyd answers, but Zelos feels dread in the way his expression seems to have soured, a flash of realization and frustration flashing across his face before it blanks out again, the same damn fake smile from earlier appearing on his face. "Traveling the world, making the world a better place for half-elves." 

Zelos nods, searching Lloyd's face for anything other than a mask he knows all too well. "And what about your old man?"

"Dirk's fine. Taught me everything I needed to know before I started taking commissions, he's -"

"No, not him," Zelos interrupts, and the way hurt rushes through Lloyd's eyes does not do anything to relieve the way anxiety and desperation grasp at his heart, a thundering need to find some foothold on this crumbling cliff of a conversation. What happened, why is Lloyd so upset about these questions?

"Ah. Kratos? He's fine, I guess."

"What do you mean you  _ guess _ -"

Lloyd purses his lips, looks down at the shining floor. "He left. Ten years ago. Haven't heard from him since."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

Guilt and anger wage war in Zelos' mind. Guilt about bringing up an obviously sore subject, guilt over ruining whatever good mood Lloyd has been in, guilt over possibly wrecking whatever they had been building up. But then anger comes in - how was  _ Zelos  _ supposed to know Kratos had left? Nobody told him! This isn't his fault! And how dare Kratos leave his son like that, so soon after their journey? Lloyd doesn't deserve that. Never did, and definitely not after everything he'd gone through to save everyone.

But Zelos left Lloyd too, didn't he? He never attempted to try and keep up a friendship either, did he?

"Lloyd, I'm sorry -"

Lloyd holds up a hand, sends Zelos a small smile. It's so shallow Zelos can see the cracks from ten feet away. "Don't be. It's fine. I'm gonna go unpack my stuff now, so if I don't see you again, uh - have a good night, man. See you tomorrow."

And like that, Lloyd turns on his heel and walks out from the doorway, disappearing back into the foyer, and leaving Zelos with the silence of the manor and the overwhelming knowledge that he somehow messed up in a terrible way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so, surprise! this au doesn't actually follow tos with zelos as your soulmate - in fact, technically, colette was lloyd's soulmate. and there /is/ a lot of love between them, but they're a lot more like siblings than they are lovers. (lloyd acts even more like a stereotypical brother type with sheena, which, keep an eye out for that interaction)
> 
> if you're wondering why lloyd is being unfairly closed off w zelos for someone who hasnt made contact in forever, you'll just have to wait until next chapter to see >:3c
> 
> other things:  
> -this chapter was a bitch to write! it's kinda the Official Start to the main arc of the fic, and i had a Lot i had to establish before i could move on and start writing chapter 4, so i really had to take my time with it. it Is like an easy 1k words over the last chapter tho, so that's good
> 
> -i started putting together an Official Playlist for the fic! its a mess rn but maybe ill wrangle it up and post the link w the next chapter. who knows
> 
> -thank you again to my beta readers aera, rar, and ruri, who all helped me out and Encouraged this mess! and thank you to everyone who left comments on the previous chapters and reached out to me, yall are the backbone of my online emotional validation and make me want to keep writing
> 
> -that said, if you liked the chapter, consider dropping a kudos and a comment!!! i'd appreciate it tons uwu
> 
> -last thing: my twitter is @/thesealedvessel, so if you got anything you wanna reach out to me for or if you just wanna see my shenanigans, follow me on there!!


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